When I was sleeping in my tent it was stuffy and I couldn't breath. Mr Marks kept coming around by our tents to see if anyone was talking. He came to the tent next to us and he banged on their tent so they would be quite. In my tent we were eating lollies and chips we and could hear the teachers walking near our tent so we stopped chewing until the teachers walked past.
2 comments:
Good effort adding detail to your last sentence. Using a variety of sentence lengths makes your writing far more readable.
Good Work Tame
I like how to added detail to your sentence. I think you did a mistake when it said In my tent we were eating lollies and chips we and could hear the teachers walking near but that was still a good story.
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